well, just seen my blogs n noticed i havent written one since aug 24th 2011 - sorry!
so much has happened so i apologise for ranting on!
new flat in london didnt go well. day after moving things in, i end up in my local hospital back home in south wales for 3 months!!!! ... then a 2 weeks stay in the RBH. that was horrid. they practically said it was mostly in my head n every doctor, except the consultant was patronising. was dignosed asthma, dysfunctional
breathing n severe reflux. felt a fake ;( came home dec 9th 2011. felt so low, but on the upside i had started talking to a friend who i have known for 18 years (16 at the time!) and he even proposed n i said yes =))
spent xmas at home recovering after being back in costa yet again. i had no life, was either costa or bed recovering ;( still feeling really low, but taking increased dose of citalopram antidepressant, on 27th dec 2011 i took massive overdose - full bottle codeine, 28 diazepam and 28 codeine. dai came to visit me in A + E where i seen psych and was kept in. day later i moved in with dai.
between the 28th dec when i moved in and june last year, i continued to go like a yoyo back n forth to costa n felt like Dai could do better than me ;( but he insisted he loved me n would stand by no matter what.
my health stayed up n down all last year n i spent 6 months total in hospital. seen resp physio for my supposed dysfunction breathing n she said i didnt have it according to the tests, was my severe asthma n hard to control coz of the reflux etc. put on prophylactic azithromycin abx 3/week to see if that would help, as well as 3 diff reflux meds with prn gaviscon.
money was hard at first as still on SSP till jan last year, then put on ESA and i applied for DLA, which i had.
we moved into our new home may 24th. was very stressful. u guessed it, i ended up back in costa, coz of the dust n stress of moving ;( been here just over a year now. suffered 5 miscarriages between jan- dec 21st 2012. the last of which i was 11 weeks ;(
my psych health not good at all. from june 29 - oct 2 2012 i was taking overdoses and cutting n burning my self in acts of self harm. i was put into cefn coed in swansea (psych unit) for treatment n observation n diagnosed - severe clinical depression, PTSD and scizophrenia coz of the voices. after being there 5 days i was trasferred to my local psych unit for 5 days also.
on oct 2nd dai told me if i ever did anything again he wouold leave me ;( both me and my CPN have since told him, i will have these diagnoses for a while yet n will self harm again. i did, i overdosed again before christmas, but he didnt leave me thankfully =)) he has stood by me through thick n thin i love him and thank him for being him every single day. i am still under psych n have a CPN Julie who is fab. i have since been taken off diazepam n now on 2 x antipsychotics, sleeping tablet and 2 anti depressants as they felt that 1 wasnt controlling me enough. put on the second antipsychotic last week.
started having fits since oct, been diagnosed epileptic as well as having high fasting blood sugars n diagnosed diet controlled NIDDM (diabetic) last tuesday. been on slimming tabs for 2 months n due to be weighed tomorrow n have another script from GP. at last weigh in i had lost 7kg in a month!!
it seems i am falling apart coz of this horrible disease and its required meds. pred wise i was down to 20mg for first time in 4 years, lasted week before needing go back 25mg again coz of yet anopther chest infection. seems i have one every 2-3 weeks.
feel like such a failure as cant manage on my own sometimes needing costa and that cant manage on a low dose. fucking lungs, fucking body ;( seen ENT n the reflux has burnt the back of my throat. did have a cyst on my vocal cord but this has since gone - thankfully
my ankles hurt, my lower back and my left knee sometimes gives way. what gonna happen next??
oh n by the way i got married to dai 9/3/13 =) was the only day in march that it didnt rain! n we trying for family now to add to dai's 3 children from previously - Dylan, megan and tegan.
boys: thinking logan james/ keegan john
girls: kaitlyn rose/ faith hope
what u all think of the names then?
xxxx
