last night was rough night. awake till gone 5am with fleet of trucks on chest kept at bay with regular nebbng etc and trying to get comfy in bed took ages, then of course the sally shakes - oh how we all love them :) NOT!!
tried to keep going wiv nebs etc as after being in costa so much i am doing my damn best keep away from the place - without taking risks... 999 if necessary etc..
then along with asthma symptoms and side effects the negative feeling of depression were kicking in and bad thoughts came back :( should i overdose again? do i stop taking my medication? why should i bother using nebs to relieve an atak when i can let nature take its course? i ignored them.
i hate feeling like that . . . i hate the negative thoughts etc. i was never like this before. havent had bad thoughts like this sinc itu in may/june and was stopped from doing silly things then by dear friends met on AUK :)
went to gp this morning to sort out new meds for reflux and few bits n discuss letter received from them - dear costa del nhs given me MRSA how nice of them hey?! just to add insult to bloody injury :'(
occ health said not a prob as still off sick n not having surgery in next few weeks but treatment anyways then restest till 3 negative results
afterwards went to council bout diff things with new home - they couldnt do much - waste of time really. dad gonna pay deposit etc and help as much as he can financially as on SSP only now and struggling with bills etc and even living in london :( even more stress!! but dad helping as dun want me stressing and ending up back in dreaded costa with huge attack again
even walking down the street cant manage without having to stop few times, sit down to take 10 puff and catch breath then start again.. falling apart. damn lungs - pathetic and useless lungs = pathetic and useless body of mine :(
had to ask someone on bus to move for me sit down as was getting dizzy and strugglin bit breathing - she asked why as was so young i could stand !!
i got off bus at next stop and waited for next bus - no energy or breath to argue :(
flat is nice :) huge kitchen and my room is nice and fully furnished so gotta try workout where put things . changing addresses too *sigh* nightmare. gp says even though moving out of area he wants to keep me under his wing cos of history which is nice of him. where new place is - right next to local costa - good place to be but couldnt walk there in acute attack if really bad - would still 999. if not so bad - bus round corner.
came home and had food with flatmates before one that threw me out went to work an the other who i get on with stayed i an we both had drink together and ice cream therapy :) ice cream defo needs to be additional therapy in attacks! managed pck one box of cd's got exhausted so flat out on sofa with flatmate to watch tv. he could see was very SOB so ordered me to neb and not move! so he did drinks and kept watchful eye on me - no costa tonite he hopes lol
no indeed! wouldnt let me move till time for bed bless him :) will miss him dearly now am moving out though still in touch and will be meeting up :) cant say the same for other flatmate tho ...
now in my room. asthma still rearing its ugly head :( so sick of all this - why cant i be normal and breathe normal ?? please.
nebbing and have done bedtime meds and even sorted out meds for morning. pains in chest and shoulder - bloody stress got a lot to answer for ...
wanna sleep but too much goin on - asthma can bite my arse.
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